"I'm not disabled," I said to myself. But doubt slowed my cursor as I went to close the email. Sure, my foot still hurt after months of physical therapy and consultation with a civilian doctor. And my migraines were nearly constant. Not to mention the mental health struggles. But I wasn't disabled, and this was a department for disabled students.
Category: The Disabled Witch
Episode 3 explores my first use of a cane, finally getting a diagnosis for my disability, and the effects that had on me afterward.
When the pain first came back, I ignored it. My parents had taught me that the best thing to do was power through. Mind over matter; will over pain. But that couldn't work forever.
I take one step, then another, feeling the uneven field beneath my feet. One more step and the ball and I are perfectly in line. My left foot planted firmly into the ground, I bring my right foot back, toes pointed toward the earth. I don't have time to breathe.
This season of The Disabled Witch will be a quest to find an answer to that question. A cataloging of my own journey through the realms of disability, embodiment, and acceptance.
Six months of eyes on a screen, waiting for the moment when Fifteen negatory worries flee my mind, in their placeTwenty-four reasons to trust in the throb of my heartbeat. Six months of the leap: idea, error, success, refresh. Twenty-two years, roughly, of disruption and adaptation. Twenty-four moments of loss too sweet to forget.
I haven't been as active online recently, for two reasons. The first: I'm working on some ideas that I don't feel ready to share yet. The other: I've spent a lot of time in waiting rooms. Arriving at a new neurology clinic is scary enough. Everyone in this waiting area is at least 20 years … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 9: Waiting Rooms
As a creature of structure and routine, even small changes to my normal schedule are stressful. Changes to my environment doubly so. They imbue tension in my nervous system and disrupt my ability to function. So why did my recent vacation go so well? I spent five days in Pennsylvania with my grandparents, the only … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 8: On Familiar Soil
True, infinitesimal immortality is nothing more than a pipe dream. An unattainable goal that keeps us reaching for the stars. It has already been proven that even gods die eventually, alone and forgotten on the sides of long-faded roads. Despite this, we continue to try and build deeper and deeper lies to convince us otherwise. … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 7: On Preservation and Memory
Content warning, mentions of: death, suicide, hate crimes, police brutality I once had a therapist not believe that I was autistic, because "empathy isn't something you seem to struggle with." They envisioned it as "you don't struggle to feel empathy." And in that sense, it is true. I have no trouble feeling empathy. But I … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 6: Grappling with Empathy
Ashton Rose 