When the pain first came back, I ignored it. My parents had taught me that the best thing to do was power through. Mind over matter; will over pain. But that couldn't work forever.
Category: The Disabled Witch
All episodes of my sporadic, meandering, ruminative creative-blog mashup adventure.
I take one step, then another, feeling the uneven field beneath my feet. One more step and the ball and I are perfectly in line. My left foot planted firmly into the ground, I bring my right foot back, toes pointed toward the earth. I don't have time to breathe.
This season of The Disabled Witch will be a quest to find an answer to that question. A cataloging of my own journey through the realms of disability, embodiment, and acceptance.
Six months of eyes on a screen, waiting for the moment when Fifteen negatory worries flee my mind, in their placeTwenty-four reasons to trust in the throb of my heartbeat. Six months of the leap: idea, error, success, refresh. Twenty-two years, roughly, of disruption and adaptation. Twenty-four moments of loss too sweet to forget.
I haven't been as active online recently, for two reasons. The first: I'm working on some ideas that I don't feel ready to share yet. The other: I've spent a lot of time in waiting rooms. Arriving at a new neurology clinic is scary enough. Everyone in this waiting area is at least 20 years … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 9: Waiting Rooms
As a creature of structure and routine, even small changes to my normal schedule are stressful. Changes to my environment doubly so. They imbue tension in my nervous system and disrupt my ability to function. So why did my recent vacation go so well? I spent five days in Pennsylvania with my grandparents, the only … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 8: On Familiar Soil
True, infinitesimal immortality is nothing more than a pipe dream. An unattainable goal that keeps us reaching for the stars. It has already been proven that even gods die eventually, alone and forgotten on the sides of long-faded roads. Despite this, we continue to try and build deeper and deeper lies to convince us otherwise. … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 7: On Preservation and Memory
Content warning, mentions of: death, suicide, hate crimes, police brutality I once had a therapist not believe that I was autistic, because "empathy isn't something you seem to struggle with." They envisioned it as "you don't struggle to feel empathy." And in that sense, it is true. I have no trouble feeling empathy. But I … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 6: Grappling with Empathy
Dear person who broke into our storage unit, My main question is why? The motley of items you took can't be sold for more than $100, maybe $150 if you're lucky. Had you been planning this? Or was it an impulse decision? The broken latch on the door, upending of items, and lack of covering … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 5: A Letter to the Thief Who Stole My Tennis Racket
The tail end of my scream fades as my eyes open. I reach my hand up to yank my sleep mask off my eyes. Working on muscle memory, my arm shoots up and finds the switch to turn on the lamp. Soft yellow light spreads across the room. Without my screaming, the nighttime silence returns. … Continue reading Season 0, Episode 4: Nightmares and Ruminations
Ashton Rose 