Not Ready

AN- This is an updated version of my previous poem, Never Ready. This version was also published in my school’s literary magazine, The Mill.

Do you ever
get the feeling
that something
went horribly,
horribly wrong?

That you should have
never
let him go,
you should have
fought
until you couldn’t fight
anymore,
until your body sagged
and your bones cried out
for you to fall down
and just
stop.

That you made
the biggest mistake
of your life,
and now your heart
won’t pump
and your lungs
won’t pull
and your brain
is disintegrating.

That you’ll die
without him.

Stop.
Think about it.
About him.

It was never about
him.

It was about the warmth
of his smile
and the security
of his arms
and the purpose
it all gave you.

And really,
letting him go
was the best thing
you could ever do,
and though your soul
screams
for that warmth
again,
you’re not
quite
ready.