October 15, 2018; A Helpful Secret

I’m still reeling over the discovery of my age, but there’s no time for that now. More pressing matters are at hand.

The General called a meeting today of ALL of the skeletons in this realm, pulling them from far corners of the Earth. There were hundreds of us packed into Wrigley Field, with the General towering above home plate. It was a rainy day, without many humans around to be warded off.

“In case you haven’t already heard,” the General began, “we are faced with a new threat. It seems that the Fuckboys have a powerful magical entity fighting alongside them.” A murmur of surpirse ran through the crowd. “We have no reason to believe that it is one of them- the Fuckboys still do not know how to access the magic of the universe. Rather, it is something far more dangerous that we are now up against.”

“What are we gonna do?!” one skeleton cried.

“We’re doomed!” another shouted. Warriors were screaming all around, frightened.

“Silence!” the General boomed, and a hush fell over the crowd. He continued, “Do not worry. We have a plan to defeat this enemy. A secret weapon even you all don’t know about.” Another bout of whispers, quickly stopped by the General. “Since the start of this war, we have singled out the magically strongest skeletons. They have stayed in our realm, training day after day to heighten their abilities. They have had a few practice days on Earth, to become accustomed to how magic works here. They are the strongest skeletons to ever die, and we have prepared them in the case of an event just like this.” The General paused, gauging the audience’s reaction. There was nothing but silence.

“Tomorrow, these skeletons will be brought here, with all of you. And together, all of us will march to the deserts of Nevada, where it is believed the Fuckboys have their base. There, we will confront their armies and this new magical entity, and we will triumph. So prepare yourselves; sharpen your swords, say your prayers, and drink all the milk you can find, for tomorrow, we will be VICTORIOUS!”

-M A R T Y

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